Developing Maturity Takes Huge Effort

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This is the third in a series of articles entitled “Fantasy Island,” which explores reality and its relationship to fantasy. Kenny Luck will discuss God’s will for men like you who want to grow in maturity, truth and reality, versus Satan’s plan to replace your reality with his fantasy, escapism and unreality.

Women want to love men who act their own age. That is, they are looking for 20-year-old men who act like they are 20 years old. Women are searching for 30-year-old men who act like they are 30 years old, and for men who are 40, 50 and 60 years old and act like it.

The problem is that women can’t find mature men. In the crudest analysis that means men who are grounded in responsibility, respect, commitment and sacrifice are difficult to find because men worldwide are diving into fantasy. It appears that men young and old are more interested in the “product” versus the necessary process required to make a good product. More specifically, men of faith are bypassing God’s process, “growing up” quickly instead of letting God mature them by using their circumstances to cultivate them and teach them discipline, patience and how to connect with women in a loving and caring way.

Instead, most guys today are diving into fantasy because they don’t like the reality of their singleness or the reality of their marriage. Instead of embracing their reality, most men today are diving into porn or adultery to escape reality, creating some false macho image of themselves to avoid the harsh realities of life. Guys today don’t want conversation, dinner and engagement with their female partners. They want instant sexual gratification. What guys today are missing—both single and married men—is the greatest virtue of all: love.

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In 1 Corinthians 13:4-11, commonly known as the love chapter which is frequently read at weddings, we learn that: “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude and self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrong. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” A key segment of that verse reads: “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

This passage is talking about maturity and if you want to test yours put your name in place of the word “love” in the passage above. Really—try it.

The big idea is that it is fantasy to think you can develop maturity in a vacuum. Guys, we develop maturity when we are exposed to reality. Reality forces you to make choices. You become responsible, committed and disciplined, and you grow and become mature. Reality is the way to maturity.

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Fantasy ranges from innocent to indecent. From Disney dreams to dark diversions, it is the wallpaper of popular culture offering every man an alternative relief or escape from reality.

Why is fantasy so powerful? Why is it so destructive on so many levels? Most importantly, what does fantasy reveal about a man’s relationship to reality? Watch this eye opening session with men’s expert and pastor Kenny Luck and learn why fantasy is an island.

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Kenny Luck is the men’s pastor at Saddleback Church and is the founder of Every Man Ministries. His 20th book—Sleeping Giant: No Movement of God without Men of God— is a blueprint for men's ministries, and was recently released through Broadman & Holman Books. His latest teaching series on men and sex called “The Sex Series” can be viewed and downloaded at, where you can also read Kenny's weekly blogs. Follow Kenny Luck on Facebook and Twitter.

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