From A to Z: Tips on How a Guy Should Treat a Girl

Car door woman
Do you still open the car door for a woman? (iStock photo)

Let’s set the record straight from the get-go: This is not an exhaustive list. Space would not allow for the other 500 or more tips that exist out there in “How to Treat a Girl" land. Further, be sure as you read that you remember this list is aimed at teenage guys.

Young men, listed below are varieties of thoughts on how to treat a girl. Most of us think this beautiful gift God gave to the guy called girl is the greatest thing since sliced bread. But first things first, because she is not a thing. She is a person to be cherished and cared for and treated with respect.

After a few years of learning and still doing so today, please note my sage advice. It may sound old-fashioned, but how about a little A to Z?

A. When walking on the street: Walk on the street side.

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B. When you are with two girls: Never sandwich yourself between the two of them, whether walking or sitting. If you position yourself on one side, you can talk to one or both. If not, you have to turn away from one to talk to another. That ticks them off. Then if the two girls happen to be big buddies, they will try to talk around you if you are in the middle. In that case, you feel like a tennis ball going back and forth.

C. When to offer your arm: Men rarely offer their arm to a female in the daytime unless she is elderly. At night, however, if she is wearing heels or is going down stairs or a slope, it is advisable to offer your arm. Hopefully she will be smart enough to take it rather than risk stumbling.

D. How not to offer your arm: Don’t grab a girl by the arm or the elbow and shove her along. You lose brownie points doing this.

E. Leading through a crowd: It is OK to take a girl’s hand and precede her through a crowd to make a way for her.

F. Guy or girl first: In most circumstances, indoors or out, when a couple walks together, the girl precedes the guy. However, if traveling outside and over rough ground, he goes first and offers his hand if she needs assistance.

G. Car doors: The guy steps ahead of the girl to open a car door for her when she enters. He gets out first and holds the door for her when they arrive, unless she does not want to wait. He stands behind the car door when opening the door so as to not gawk at her legs as they swing out. In addition, he should keep his eyes up so that she knows she is able to get out of the car without you looking down her shirt or up her dress. I know the temptation, but pay attention to this guide and not up the legs and down the dress or shirt.;">

H. Stairs up and down: The guy precedes the girl when going down the stairs or slope and follows her when going up the stairs or slope.

I. Your first kiss (part 1): Easy does it! When a guy kisses a girl for the fist time, the contact of the two pairs of lips should be sweet and gentle. A guy who makes a lunge at a girl for a fast, hard good-bye kiss, as if grabbing a punching bag in the gym, is certainly on the wrong track.

J. Your first kiss (part 2): Look where you are going. Close your eyes right before you make contact. There are not many things worse than aiming for the lips and hitting the left nostril.

K. Your first kiss (part 3): Keep your tongue in your mouth!

L. Going through doors: A guy should always stand aside and allow a girl to pass through an open door ahead of him. When approaching a closed, heavy door, however, it is far more practical if you push the door open, go through and hold the door while the girl follows. If the door opens toward them, he pulls it open and allows her to go through first.

M. Revolving doors: A girl steps through a revolving door first if the door is already moving. If the revolving door is not moving, the guy goes first, getting the door started and allowing the girl to follow. By the way, this is not the time for the power-rush through the doors like you did as a 10-year-old. Moving doors slamming on a girl’s heels don’t make for a happy girl.

N. Seating in public: A guy should offer his seat to a girl. As an extra tip, a younger man should always offer his seat to an elderly man or woman as well.

O. Elevator etiquette: A guy lets a girl off an elevator first unless he is near the door and the elevator is crowded. In that case, he gets off first and holds the door for the others.

P. Umbrellas: A guy should hold the umbrella when walking together with a girl in the rain. The exception would be if the girl is considerably shorter than the guy. In this case, be smart and find two umbrellas.;">

Q. Displaying public affection: Don’t do it! Keep your lips, your hands, your body and your hormones out of public scrutiny. Then, as a young man of God, remember those lips, hands, body and hormones are under God’s scrutiny in private.

R. What not to touch: Never touch a girl on the breast, the behind or between the legs. Never touch any other place on her body that arouses her sexually or moves that direction. That is why God made the marriage bed. You will enjoy it more if you wait until then. I know your body says, “Now.” Make sure your brain and your spirit say, “Then.”

S. Seating a girl: A guy should approach the chair at a table where he would like for the girl to sit and pull the chair out for her, leaving her adequate room to move to the table. Then he should merely slide the chair to her as she helps herself to her seat. This is not the time to do a back-of-the-knee slam, again like the 10-year-old that you used to be. Taking her down fast will not score points. Be gentle.

T. Listening: A guy should remember that girls think like girls and not like guys. Guys tend to be more logical in their thought patterns. Girls tend to be more feeling-oriented. Neither approach is right or wrong, good or bad. They are just different. So don’t expect her to display male logic. It can happen, but in general, it’s not going to!

U. When a girl says, “Nothing’s wrong”: Something’s wrong, and it is your job to find out what it is.

V. Dating matters:

  1. Make plans for the date far enough in advance that both people can clear the day on their schedules. It is a compliment to the girl for the guy to think enough of her to provide her the opportunity to arrange to be available.
  2. Be on time.
  3. Don’t cancel the date without a very good reason.
  4. Confirm all arrangements by telephone on the morning of the date.
  5. Dress with care. If you are not sure whether you are over- or underdressing, ask the girl what she is wearing.
  6. Consider the other person when making plans for a date. More than one guy has wondered why his date is bored out of her mind sitting through a four-hour hockey game about which she didn’t give a rip. Think, guys, think!
  7. Do not forget your manners, eating and otherwise.
  8. Don’t forget to say please and thank you. Sometimes writing thank-you note is in order as well.;">

W. "She won’t want to go out with me" syndrome: Sometimes men are scared to ask a girl out. If this happens to you, then tell yourself how wonderful you are. Your mother believes it! Maybe you are a good talker. Maybe you can plan great dates. Or maybe you are a great listener. Girls love men who listen. There are not many of them out there. If you cannot think of any of your strengths, talk to the Designer (aka God). He put you together. He definitely knows your strong suits, and He knows what she likes.

X. Go easy on “I” and heavy on “you”: A guy who masters the ability to talk about the girl rather than self wins.

Y. Humor: Know your strengths and limitations here. The guy who doesn’t loses.

Z. Compliments: A guy should seek to sincerely say good things about a girl. Most people like to hear good things about themselves and others.

Forget what TV and movies tell you about being a guy. Trust me, the girls are not impressed with your ability to demonstrate your levels of testosterone.

If you follow these guidelines, you will demonstrate to that beautiful young lady in your life your phenomenal skill at being just the kind of guy she is looking for. I know you are thinking it, so I will say it: Lucky her!

Richard Hardy is the founder and president of the Hardy Group, an executive consulting firm for senior pastors of churches. Everything but preaching is his theme. His service as administrative pastor at two megachurches and as vice president at a flagship denominational Bible college makes him a resource your church will want to retain. For more information, visit

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