"There is something so incredibly sexy about you."
Guys, when was the last time you gave your wife a comment like the one above? When was the last time you made her feel like she was the most loved wife on God's green Earth? If you can't think of the last time you spoke a comment like the one above, then listen up.
IT'S TIME TO SPEAK UP!
My wife and I are approaching our 10 year wedding anniversary. We're excited to reach this mark in our marriage, but would have never thought it was possible in our early years. At just two years into it, we thought divorce was the only option moving forward. We were able to overcome those hurdles, but then thought divorce was an option again at four years. We both spoke up to each other and shared our opinions often, but they were mostly negative. A loving compliment rarely made an appearance.
As I've stated through past articles, it was only through the grace of God and our willingness to forgive each other and move on that we were able to start over after year four. We decided to give God a place in our hearts and conversations. Everything changed that year for us and we continue to walk in that same path.
It seemed so easy and natural to point out the bad in my wife back then. I'd be angry from work and take it out on her. She'd look at me wrong or say something somewhat disrespectful, and I'd come back at her with the same force or worse. I couldn't see the fact that my negative response to her negative response, only spurred more negative responses.
If you think about that last paragraph, we actually sounded very childish. I grew up with two older sisters and can remember numerous times fighting back and forth this way. But those were my sisters. This was my wife. Maybe that was my problem.
Can you relate to having childish conversations with your wife? Back and forth bickering you yell at your kids for, yet you do it nearly every day or every week with your wife? Guys, we need do better at this. We need to be mature husbands for our amazing wives!
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, and I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things" (1 Cor. 13:11).
Your Complimenting Style
Guys, here are some really simple questions you need to answer about yourself:
- Do you like it when other people compliment you?
- How does it make you feel when you receive a positive compliment?
- How often do you give positive compliments to people other than your wife?
- What compliments have you wanted to give your wife, but haven't said out loud?
Guys, I get it! Complimenting others, especially your wife, can feel weird and even awkward. You may think it will come across as weakness. You may think she won't believe you. But even with all of those doubts in your head, you must speak up and compliment her anyway. Be the mature husband that starts a path down positive and encouraging compliments in your marriage. She may not believe you at first. She may even be negative about it, but keep pressing on. Trust me, as you continue to be positive, she will start to respond in the same way to you. Turn the awkward into the normal!
"Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing, In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you" (1 Thes. 5:16-18).
Alright, I encourage and challenge you to start complimenting your wife TODAY. Start simple. Do it over a text message. Leave a note on the counter as you leave for work. Pick up a little card on your way home and write down some quick thoughts. Guys, you hold the power to change your marriage!
Here are a few compliments I love to say to my wife:
- "There is something so incredibly sexy about you." (yes, here it is again!)
- "Thank you for making this amazing dinner!" (say this every time she cooks for you)
- "That outfit looked great on you tonight, especially those jeans." (as Kris Wolf says, BE SPECIFIC)
- "Thank you for being at home and raising our kids." (stay at home mom)
- "I want to take you out tonight (or this weekend)." (if a date night is due!)
- "Thank you for being an amazing wife and supporting me."
The ideas above are just sparks. You have the ability to start the fire in your wife!
From here, I challenge all of you men to speak up and compliment your wife more!
Set reminders, do whatever you have to do, but just do it!
Let's share some thoughts guys. What has worked for you in your marriage? What is holding you back from doing this?
Manturity.com is a website written by men, for men. The goal of the site is to build more mature men spiritually and in their everyday circumstances. Please understand that the majority of the content written for Manturity is directed towards men. On rare occasions there will be articles written by women. These articles will be written in the context of helping men better understand a woman's point of view and perspective.
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