My book agent is an unusual combination of business partner, coach and mother. Even though my agent is a guy, he is still like Mom because he frets about my future and hopes he can be proud of me someday if I grow up to be a successful and mature writer before he throttles me for misbehaving. I recently told my agent that I wanted to write a book titled Finding God in Bed. He replied, "Well, that would certainly be provocative," which is agent/mother-speak for, "You have lost your ever-loving mind, and no Christian bookstore would ever carry a book like that, and you are going to be the death of me yet, and wouldn't you feel better after a nice nap?"
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Question: Doug, what should I look for when choosing an accountability partner?
Answer: The first thing to look for in a good accountability partner is someone who is regularly available for you. No matter how great someone is, if he can't get together or return phone calls, then he is going to be of little help to you. Second, find someone who will keep your talks focused on "accountability." So often these discussions evolve into "How are the wife and kids?" breakfast meetings. Keep questions about masturbation, pornography and lust in the forefront of the first few minutes of your meetings.
Finding a guy who is straightforward and willing to be brutally honest with himself is also critical. I've found that guys who are soft on themselves tend to be soft on others as well. Last, look for someone who does not need to be liked by you. If he needs for you to like him or if he fears rejection, then he will be less effective as your accountability partner.
As men, accountability partners are essential to our Christian walk. I so appreciate the guy who has served me in that role for the last eight years. A man who will hold you accountable can help you with parenting, marriage, money, business, relationships, sexual integrity and other issues in your life.
Question: Doug, what can I do to kick this hunger for pornography? I'm so ashamed and frustrated. Seems like my life would be much less complicated if I didn't have a sex drive.
Answer: You asked the right guy. I have been clean from pornography and self-sex behavior for more than 18 years. I remember feeling trapped, hopeless and overwhelmed. You too can get free your entire life, but you are going to need to make behavioral changes. Here's how to kick porn:
Question: Doug, I'm starting to worry about when to have "the talk" with my son. I want to do it before he finds out somewhere else, but I don't know if he's old enough. When is the best age to talk to him about sex?
Answer: This is a great question. The age of adolescence is definitely moving downward, so you can't assume that your son will reach puberty when you did. Generally, subtract about two years from the age you hit adolescence to figure out when he will.
The biggest lie I have heard among Christian men about their sexual indiscretions is that "it's not hurting anybody else." Nothing could be further from the truth of God's Word or His heart. Your choices about sexuality affect everybody in your life, either for good or bad. How many of us have felt pain or sadness over Christian leaders, singers or speakers who went sexually astray? They damaged not only their lives but also the lives of their spouses, their children and, often, those they were sexually involved with.
I want to show you how your sex affects others. I believe within every man is a God-given disposition to protect. A man cannot stand by and allow an outsider to hurt anyone he truly loves. This is exemplified in the relationship between a man and his daughter.
Tomatoes, however, are the richest source of lycopene, and cooked tomato products, such as tomato paste, spaghetti sauce and pizza sauce, provide much higher amounts of the phytonutrient compared with fresh tomatoes or tomato juice.
Spaghetti sauce also contains olive oil, an added benefit that makes this particular food product an extremely good choice as a source of lycopene. That's because the oil assists in the body's absorption of the nutrient.
Many studies have shown a correlation between a high consumption of tomato products and a decreased incidence of prostate cancer. A diet rich in lycopene derived from tomato-based products can reduce the risk of prostate cancer by approximately 40 percent.
When you accept Christ into your life, you slowly come to realize that forces are now at work beyond your control. There is a mixed emotion of fear (of losing control), relief (that your problems are now in God’s hands) and curiosity (at how things will play out) that can create a hyper-introspection beyond anything we have experienced before, but could it lead to an unhealthy level of introspection and self-absorption? I’ve noticed creeping into many Christian’s lives (including mine) a level of narcissism about prayer and God’s works that has raised a few flags.
This came to my attention partly by way of my agnostic friends. Every so often one of them asks me to say a prayer for a relative who is sick. It takes a lot for them to ask this and the request is usually serious, and for some reason they think I alone have God’s phone number. I feel mixed emotions when I receive these requests. I’m sad at their pain but joyful at the same time that a piece of their armor has rusted and fallen off. When I contrast these requests with Christian prayer requests that I receive regularly it drives the point home about how self-centered we, in the Christian community, can sometimes become.