How Childhood Abuse Can Affect Your Marriage

Janet Swanson (

My husband and I share the secret of still being in love after 31 years of marriage and how childhood abuse affected us.

Did you know that divorce is just as high in the church as it is in the secular world? You have to really ask yourself, "why?" What is going on in the church? Here's another question for you. Has divorce crossed your mind?

Did you know that most infidelity is rooted in childhood abuse? Did you know that most addictions are rooted in childhood abandonment, rejection and verbal abuse and lack of love?

Did you know that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before the age of 12? And it's usually from someone they know, love and care about! Now can you see how and why marriages are not making it—even in the church!

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I know firsthand how it feels to be in a marriage and feel unloved. Just because I felt unloved doesn't mean that I was unloved. I mean, after all, I am a pastor's wife, I am a music minister and I am a Christian—I should have it all together, right? Well, God took me and my husband down a journey of awakening and I believe that God wants to awaken His church and take His bride on a journey of inner healing through bringing recognition to childhood abuse and its effects on marriage and parenting, and by sharing your testimony.

I sure hope you get a chance to listen to my husband as he tells the story of how God gave him a different perspective on woundedness when he fell in love with this girl who was incredibly wounded! He tells his side of the story on how childhood abuse affected our marriage. Real love will suffer long and go to the deep, dark places of pain without exploding with frustration and walking away from "what" God put together. Cary says, "God will teach you how to do that." Patience and endurance were and are the key to wholeness in our marriage.

In Episode 5 of One Voice with Janet Swanson, Cary tells his perspective of healing from trauma from his view. We discuss very intimate details of our marriage and how God brought us through every valley and over every mountain.

Unconditional love is the foundation we built our marriage on even through all my issues of abandonment and abuse and his issues too.

It's time to break the silence and put shame back on the devil and off our shoulders. Remember this, God won't heal what you won't recognize. The Word says to confess your faults, sins and sins done to you, so you will be healed. You overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony.

I believe the divorce rate will go down among Christians when you seek the Healer to heal you of all your wounds instead of people. Jesus was wounded for you so He could heal you of all your wounds. Your spouse can not heal you. Your spouse can't be your "everything."

Understand there are some things unacceptable in a marriage. You should never hit your spouse! You should never use words of manipulation or accusation against them (verbal abuse) or sexually abuse your spouse. You should never invite sin in your marriage such as pornography. The husband is to love the wife as Christ did. Christ laid his life down for her. I believe men have a hard time doing this because they are empty themselves and need a deep, inner healing from Abba Father who can wipe away the pain of their past.

When you seek God as your healer, it takes the pressure off the marriage. Your spouse is to be your best friend, your partner in life, your helpmate and your lover. You do life together! But we can't expect our spouses to fill all the voids in our lives and heal us of all our wounds. I believe that's what most spouses do. That's why 50% of marriages end, even in the church.

So we share our story with the hope that you will be encouraged and endure the trials of life and let Jesus become your everything and put your spouse back in her/his proper place.

If you have had childhood trauma, you need to hear this story.

Here's the secret! Love is a choice! Staying is a choice! Happiness is a choice! Making God your healer is a choice! Making Jesus your No.1 is a choice. If you put the King of kings as King of your heart, you too can experience of lifetime of love with your spouse!

Visit Janet's personal Facebook page here, her One Voice Facebook page, and visit

Janet Swanson is an ordained minister, teacher, missionary, entrepreneur, author, singer, artist, composer, speaker, student, encourager, hope dealer, overcomer, advocate for the abused, dream-builder and a life-giver.

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