Life Lessons and Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman

Marriage is not easy. Movies love to romanticize marriage and make it seem like it's all happily ever after once you say, "I do." Marriage is God's design for a man and a woman, but it is also something we have to work at, not taking the other person for granted and desiring to serve the other person. When both people in a marriage sit arms crossed, waiting on the other person to move, you have a stalemate.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of more than 50 book including the 5 Love Languages, shares intimate details of his story through school, marriage, parenting and writing. Dr. Chapman is very open that many years of his marriage were not ideal. He was even in seminary at the time and at odds with his wife, not knowing how he could "fix" her to see things like he did.

God revealed to Dr. Chapman the vision of Jesus washing the disciples' feet and how that was the missing ingredient in his marriage, serving the other person. Dr. Chapman prayed a dangerous prayer that changed everything: "God, please give me the attitude of Christ toward my wife." God responded, changed his heart and an attitude of servanthood began to form in him. It didn't change overnight though but asking 3 questions to his wife daily helped him stay focused.

1. What can I do to help you?

2. How can I make your life easier?

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3. How can I be a better husband?

In hindsight, Dr. Chapman knew that how his wife responded to these questions was telling him her love languages. He said in three months, his wife began asking those questions to him. This act of mutual servanthood is the type of marriage God intended. Dr. Chapman laughingly added, "God never ordained marriage to make us miserable. Two are better than one, if we are learning to serve each other."

This example birthed the movement behind the 5 Love Languages book that has helped many relationships stay focused on understanding how your spouse wants to show love and be shown love in return.

Dr. Chapman's new book Life Lessons and Love Languages is out now and has some amazing stories in it of faithfulness to God, practical advice for marriage, parenting and much more. Dr. Chapman called his life an unexpected journey because looking back on it, he sees God's hand at work through both the victories and the disappointments. It was a journey he never intended on taking but has seen more fruit from his years of faithfulness than he ever could have dreamed.

For more on my conversation with Dr. Gary Chapman, check out the Everyday Discernment podcast.

Tim Ferrara has grown up in the church and has held various leadership positions, both in business and in the church. Tim is currently the executive pastor at LifePoint Church in Arizona. He has a bachelor's degree in marketing from Arizona State University, along with a MBA from University of Phoenix. He has had a career in business management for over 20 years and has worked as faculty for two different colleges. Tim started the ministry of Discerning Dad ( as a way to write and encourage Christians to grow in discernment and make better decisions that honor God. He has a book called Everyday Discernment: The Importance of Spirit-Led Decision Making as well as multiple YouVersion Bible plans. Tim also has a podcast called Everyday Discernment, which is a top-ranked Christian podcast on the Charisma and Edifi podcast networks. Tim lives with his wife, Jamie, and their two children in Arizona.

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