You're Just Jealous

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jealous couple
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Competition, Legalism and Confusion

Spiritual jealousy between spouses quickly leads to competition. It carries confusion and masks itself in religious legalism.

For example, a husband who envies his wife’s spirituality might insist that a woman cannot practice certain spiritual gifts because they are “reserved only for men.” Threatened by her influence, he may accuse his wife of being a “Jezebel” who is attempting to rule when she should submit.

Such was the case with a leader’s wife I had occasion to meet. This woman spent a number of miserable years in confusion and depression under the burden of her husband’s volatile insecurities and jealousy. Sadly, the stringent gender roles of their denomination served as a deceitful vehicle of unrighteousness in their personal dynamics.

At one time, this couple was certain that God had ordained them to share their spiritual calling in marriage. In public, she was the joyful, supportive, submissive, wife; inwardly, she felt completely stifled and used.

At church, the husband took the helm as the charismatic center of every event. At home, he was a self-consumed tyrant who used doctrinal laws of submission and obedience on his wife to his own benefit.

He required that her every ounce of energy be consumed with  him. If she was unwilling to comply with his every whim, he would accuse her of rebellion.

This cycle continued, hidden behind the facade of religious piety. The wife’s zeal for her husband and his vision cooled. In response, he began to suspect her of lusting after other men in their circle of acquaintances.

The alienation in their marriage made way for open conflict. He would become angry, accusing and threatening her.

Meanwhile, the dynamics of their situation were further affected by the fact that God began using her spiritual gifts in a way that gave her increasing public approval and influence. It became difficult to see where her husband’s jealousy of her ended and his appreciation of her anointing began.

He made sure to exercise tight reign over her schedule and engagements in order to limit her interaction with others, especially if he wasn’t going to be present. Ultimately, it took a miraculous visitation for the woman’s husband to see himself in the mirror of the Word of God.

Slowly, the man began to relinquish his insecurities and enjoy the fact that God had given him a capable wife. The regrettable part of this story is that the couple spent many miserable years in captivity to the husband’s jealousy, which he masked behind their religious roles.

When the anointing of God falls on someone, Satan takes opportunity through jealousy. This spirit makes the person who is afflicted by it its captive, then victimizes the people to whom he relates. But there is a way out.

Breaking Free of Envy

Jealousy can have power over you only when you give it a place in your life. If you are trapped in this vicious snare, practicing the following principles will help you to find freedom:

Love. Love is not jealous; it seeks the welfare of others (see 1 Cor. 13:4-5).

Do not think more highly of yourself than you should. See yourself and your spouse circumspectly (see Rom. 12:3).

Dethrone yourself. Jealousy provokes vain imagining (see Ezek. 8:3). If having to be the center of attention puts you in competition with your mate, you have given way to a spirit of idolatry! You have become your own object of worship.

You will be subject to resenting, accusing and alienating your mate. Put Christ as supreme in your thoughts and behavior. Then your spouse’s success and influence will cause you to rejoice.

Be aligned with the Word of God above your emotions. A jealous spirit will cause you to misinterpret the actions and motives of your mate, as in the case of Michal, David’s wife (see 2 Sam. 6:14-23).

Guard the truth in your heart, and discern your real image and that of your spouse. Do not give the accuser a foothold either by charging your spouse with evil or by receiving his or her jealous accusations.

Ask for more anointing from the Holy Spirit. Although the spirit of jealousy hates it, the anointing is your power against these attacks. Take the stance David did when he replied to Michal rather than retreating into a cave as Elijah did (see 2 Sam. 6:21-22; 1 Kin. 19:9).

Know when to speak. Submit to a spirit of jealousy, and it will demand more and more. But speaking the truth at the right time brings liberty.

A great antidote is a good sense of humor. Do not take yourself or your spouse so seriously that it immobilizes you or puts you in bondage through manipulation and fear.

Do not withdraw. Bring jealousy to the light (see Prov. 18:1). Seek out a third party whose prayers and counsel you both can honor and receive.

Do not gossip about your mate under the guise of sharing this burden with a prayer partner, especially if you have not confronted the problem or taken it to someone with pastoral authority for help.

Run after what the Lord has for you. Then jealousy will run away from you (see Jer. 29:11).

Bring an offering to the Lord. Whether you are innocent or guilty, Scripture indicates that an offering, made in faith, will break the stronghold of jealousy and set you both free (see Num. 5:14-15).

There are serious consequences for harboring a jealous spirit. So unrestrained is this evil that often God must supernaturally intervene to rescue its victims.

Avail yourself of His power and wisdom. Then love can flourish in your marriage again, and you can find the joy and peace that our selfless First Love, Christ, freely gives.

*Not their real names

Bonnie Chavda is a member of the editorial advisory board of SpiritLed Woman magazine. A dynamic Bible teacher, she and her husband, evangelist Mahesh Chavda, conduct training seminars and crusades around the world. They are the pastors of All Nations Church in Charlotte, N.C.

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