I shared recently about the big decisions I need to make and how much I was struggling to make them.
It has been a season of tremendous confusion for me...no easy answers, no straight, lighted path before me, nothing uncomplicated.
I kept asking God to just make things clear to me. I kept telling Him that I would go or be wherever He wanted me to go or be...just please tell me!
But as I have shared before, I kept looking to others to help me decide...to wrestle through decisions with me.
I wanted friends willing to listen to me say or ask the same thing 15 times in 15 different ways. I needed to grapple and ponder and brainstorm. And I didn't want to do it alone.
This single parent decision-making thing can be a lonely business.
And for someone who likes to think out loud, it is torturous...unfortunately I think I've been torturing everyone around me. I put my friends and family in the position of having to hear me think out loud a lot.
I spent a lot time trying to find someone...anyone...that would tell me what to do! I'm surprised they all didn't run away from me.
I felt such a burden to figure things out...just to make a decision already.
I wanted to talk (and talk and talk...)
And it struck me
Why not talk to God?
Maybe that desire to think out loud is really more about a desire to pray. I just hadn't thought of it that way before.
I'd been so busy looking for someone to lead me that I'd missed talking to the One who is my Leader. I'm truly like a silly little sheep. I have The Good Shepherd as my guide and I'm not looking to Him. I'm looking around to anyone and everyone to give me answers, direction, and guidance.
He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. Isaiah 40:11
But God in His graciousness did indeed provide.
First it was a dear friend who, while in the midst of her own health crisis, willingly listened to my life circumstances and shared her thoughts. I'm in of God's provision.
She asked me where I wanted to be in 5 years. She said, "Focus on where you want to be, rather than all the little things that need to happen to get there."
At first I thought, "How in the world do I do THAT? There are things that need to be done...decisions that need to be made and actions that need to be taken!"
But the more I thought about it the more I realized that if I trust God's leading, I must also trust that He will provide a way.
I kept thinking of the priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant who had to step into the river before it parted. Maybe I need to be willing to do that as well...take a step of faith.
So when the people set out from their tents to pass over the Jordan with the priests bearing the ark of the covenant before the people, and as soon as those bearing the ark had come as far as the Jordan, and the feet of the priests bearing the ark were dipped in the brink of the water (now the Jordan overflows all its banks throughout the time of harvest), the waters coming down from above stood and rose up in a heap very far away... Joshua 3:14-16
A lot grabs me in those verses...but one thing that stuck out was that the Lord wants us know that this was not an easy wade in the water...this was an overflowing river. Probably seemed a bit daunting to those priests, but they trusted that God was going to make a way for them to follow His leading and they took a step of faith.
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