I'm often speechless, but hardly ever am I without words. I can pretty much always explain what I've felt or experienced through written words. When I speak the words sometimes get tangled between my brain and my mouth. However, they rarely ever get tangled between my head and my hands.
After spending time with Dr. Margaret Nagib and her unique way of ushering in the presence of God, I have been without written words. I'm still without them, but I am allowing my heart to speak because what I have experienced is hard to contain.
God has wired Margaret with a combination of intelligence, analytical thinking, emotional cognition and direct connection to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit not only spoke through her, but shouted, whispered and danced all over my heart. And I felt like the wrecked ship that I am, only in a good way.
Whole, Healthy, Happy
A little history might help. In 1994, I declared I was a whole, healthy, happy daughter of the King. I weighed 430 pounds and I was far from that. It was a prophetic statement.
I pictured the parts of me as a pie diagram with three equal sections—body, soul and spirit. Coloring in the sections with how well I was doing, my spirit was a 10, my soul, a 5 and my body, a minus 1. If that represented a tire, it wouldn't get me anywhere!
The logical assumption was to work on my physical body to get it in shape to match up with where I thought my soul and spirit were. In actuality, the deficit I was feeling in my physical body was also being felt in my soul and spirit. I was allowing my body to lead me when it had no idea of what it was doing. As a result my soul and spirit were suffering.
I was constantly listening to what my body wanted to eat, how my body preferred sitting rather than moving, what comforts my body wanted, how my body wanted to spend money on its desires. It was all about what my body wanted to do.
My body was in charge big time, but only making me sink faster.
Jump forward about 15 years and my soul, which is my mind, will and emotions, began to be in charge. I felt this was a positive change. I began to work on my body issues, cope with them, define them, accept and own them and eventually act against them and began walking out a cognitive totally thought out journey to health.
The will kicked in to finally help me do what I wanted to do rather than what I didn't want to do.1 Eventually, I was able to work on my emotions and recognize how I had been stuffing them instead of embracing them and taking them to God to help me understand their purpose in my life.
My soul was in charge which felt like a more healthy arrangement, but my sinking ship was only getting a new coat of paint.
Remember, originally I felt like I was operating at a 10 spiritually. I was not just going to church, I was active in my church. I was hearing from God. I was doing what He told me to do. I was admitting my weakness and tapping into His strength. I was using my gifts. I was growing.
However, my mind, will and emotions that I had just awakened were still in charge of me. I felt God gave me my soul, all my abilities, gifts and personality traits to serve Him, which is true. However, I was missing one major piece.
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