Allow the pastor's wife to serve in whatever areas she's gifted in. Allow her to try different things and to grow. But do not put your expectations on her, if at all possible.
Do not try to tell her how to raise her children. Do not try to get to her husband through her with your messages or (ahem) helpful suggestions.
2. We owe her our love and gratitude. She has a one-of-a-kind role in the congregation, which makes her essential to the church's well-being.
Recently, as I was finishing a weekend of ministry at a church in central Alabama and about to drive the 300 miles back home, a member said, "Please thank your wife for sharing you with us this weekend. I know your leaving is hard on her."
How sensitive—and how true, I thought. That person had no idea that my wife underwent surgery two weeks earlier and I had been her nurse ever since, and that in my absence, my son and his family were taking care of her, and that I was now about to rush home to relieve them.
Church members have no clue—and no way of knowing—regarding the pressures inside the pastor's family and should not investigate to find out.
What they should do is love the wife and children and show them appreciation at every opportunity.
3. We owe her our love and prayers. While the Father alone knows her heart, the pastor may be the only human who knows her burdens.
Pray for her by name on a regular basis. Then, leave it to the Lord to answer those prayers however He chooses.
If we believe that the Living God is our Lord and Savior and that He hears our prayers, we should be lifting to Him those whose lives are given in service for Him.
Ask the Father for His protection upon the pastor's wife and children—for their health, for their safety from all harm, and for Him to shield them from evil people.
Pray for His provisions for all their needs, and for the church to do well in providing for them.
Pray for the pastor's relationship with his wife. If their private life is healthy, the congregation's shepherd is far better prepared for everything he will be asked to do.
4. We owe her our responsible care. What does she need?
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