How You Can Move Beyond Betrayal's Blasts and Into True Forgiveness

(Unsplash/Eddy Lackman)

Betrayal is an act of deliberate disloyalty, and it is very painful. A disloyal spouse, parent, son or daughter or other family member; a friend, boss, co-worker or ministry partner. No matter who the betrayer is, their deliberate disloyalty hurts badly.

How do you deal with betrayal? What do you do with the pain? How do you protect yourself from the betrayer? How do you overcome betrayal?

There isn't an easier answer to any of these painful questions. But there is a place you can go for comfort, direction and security. You can access this place anywhere you are. It's in the arms of Jesus.

Let's look at the first question on this list. How do you deal with betrayal? You must deal with it honestly. You need to find out what is going on. And don't base your actions on suspicions or feelings, but on the facts alone. And remember, no matter what excuses you are given, you are not the one at fault. The betrayer has gone astray after the lusts of his or her own flesh. And when you are given lame excuses, answer with the truth directly and honestly. Truth hurts, but it does set people free; whereas lies also hurt, but everyone is left in turmoil.

  • "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free" (John 8:32).
  • "But each man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed" (James 1:14).

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What do you do with the pain? There's no way around it. When someone betrays you, it hurts. It's a weapon Satan uses against you to bring destruction to you, your family, your friendship, your business and your ministry. But no matter who is betraying you, or how painful the betrayal is, there is still only one way to inner peace, and it is through forgiveness. Vengeance does not bring healing to the soul; it only prolongs the healing process and brings with it more pain and obstacles to overcome.

Jesus understands the hurt of betrayal more than anyone else does. He was betrayed by everyone, even us. The Bible tells us in Hebrews 4:15, "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who was in every sense tempted like we are, yet without sin."

And we need to come to grips that God is not the betrayer; Satan is. And he used this person to harm you. John 10:10a tells us about his wicked intentions against us, "The thief does not come, except to steal and kill and destroy."

We are not to be vengeful; that area belongs to God. Romans 12:19 (AMP) clearly tells us, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God's wrath [and His judicial righteousness]; for it is written [in Scripture], "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord."

As challenging as it may be, our responsibility remains the same—forgive. Forgiveness is not based upon our feelings, or whether we believe the person deserves to be forgiven, but because our Father God tells us to. In fact, our obedience to forgive in this betrayal has eternal consequences upon ourselves as well. Matthew 6:14-15 warns us, "For if you forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others [nurturing your hurt and anger with the result that it interferes with your relationship with God], then your Father will not forgive your trespasses."

How do you protect yourself from further betrayal from this same person or group of people? You need to set up healthy boundaries around yourself. Learn to biblically judge the situation before you. I personally use John 10:10 as stated above to decide what's happening around me. If the situation is set out to steal something from me, like peace—I stay away. If the person, or person's actions, will kill my relationship with my family or friends, I know it's not of God. If the end result of what's taking place or what's about to take place will destroy relationships or ministry efforts, I put my foot down and say, "No! This is not happening here."

And I should make note here, do not say, "If you do this, I will do this ..." unless you are really willing to follow through with it. Matthew 5:37 says regarding this, "But let your statement be, 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no' [a firm yes or no]; anything more than that comes from the evil one."

The only true way to overcome betrayal is with the help of God and by His way of forgiveness.

Becky Dvorak is a prophetic healing evangelist and the author of DARE to Believe, Greater Than Magic and The Healing Creed. Visit her at

This article originally appeared at

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